Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
