i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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