I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
