i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
