if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
