I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
