38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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