i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
