You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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