He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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