dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
