haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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