nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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