maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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