i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
