Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
