It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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