I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
