She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
