Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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