Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
