well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
