I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
