Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
