I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
