spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
