she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
