he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
