I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
