Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
