My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
