you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
