I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
