My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
