How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
