i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
