went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did I show you my penis last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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