then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
