my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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