Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
