you have to choose: penises or morals?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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