There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
