Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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