I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Acid is not a monday night drug
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
