dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
