when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
