I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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