I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
