no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
