Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
