everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
