Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
