FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Too much gin, very little bucket
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
